Getting Back Together by Bettie B. Youngs & Masa Goetz

Author:Bettie B. Youngs & Masa Goetz
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: ebook, book
Publisher: Adams Media, an imprint of Simon & Schuster, Inc.
Published: 1990-07-15T00:00:00+00:00

How Have You Both Changed?

Now that you and your partner have examined the needs you have in your relationship, turn your attention to the “new” people you have become. In what ways are your new selves compatible? You’ve both been through a lot, and have grown and changed tremendously. If you have used your separation time constructively, you will have developed more self-respect and self-confidence. You may also have changed in external ways. You may have gotten a new job, made new friends, taken up a hobby, or embarked on a fitness program. Let your partner know that you are not the same person you used to be, and ask him to share with you what changes he has experienced. Also discuss how these alterations have affected each of you. The following are some questions to help you and your partner get started talking about the changes. These can also be used as “stepping stones” to talk about the deeper, more emotional issues, making reconciling more feasible.

1. How have my daily habits changed? Have I changed my sleep hours, meal times, or other routine activities?

2. What new activities have I begun? Do I have new sports, hobbies, clubs? Have I begun taking classes?

3. What’s going on at work? Have I gotten a promotion, a new project, new coworkers?

4. What’s happened in my relationship with the children? What are we doing that we didn’t do before? Am I seeing more of them or less? Am I treating them differently? What are my children’s needs at this time? How has the separation affected them? What is their relationship with the absent partner?

5. How has my social life changed? Have I made new friends? Am I spending more/less time with old friends? What am I doing for fun these days?

6. What strengths and weaknesses have I discovered since the separation? What most surprised me about myself—something I never thought I could do, but did? In what areas do I wish I could be stronger?

7. What fears did I have during the separation? How did I handle them? What did I learn from them?

8. How do I feel about myself since the separation? How did my self-concept change during the months we were apart? Was there any one time when I felt myself changing? How?

9. What do I realize about my partner that I didn’t realize before? How did my time apart make me understand him more? In what ways have my feelings toward him changed?

10. What do I realize about the relationship that I didn’t realize before? How did the separation force me to view it in a new light? What did I learn?

11. If I were starting my marriage all over again, what would I do differently?

12. What did I most want to tell my partner on those long nights we were apart?

13. Have my partner and I been talking to each other openly and honestly? Do we treat each other with respect? Has communication improved? Are we able to talk about our needs, fears, past hurts, future dreams?

14.

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